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(Please note that this is a Roleplay account) I am a traveler, who has journeyed to and from the past and future. I'm the most clever, most charming, most troublemaking boy ever! Master Porky Minch~! I am the king of the Nowhere Islands. It is my very own island toybox! I control an entire city, cleverly called New Pork City, and I even have my own army. Hah, I bet all of you losers are jealous, huh? I would be too if I were you. Why am I on a Twifail site? Well, I had a bet with one of my commanders, named Fassad, that I could read the worst book in New Pork's Library. Normally, I don't read books too much, but I never back off from a challenge unless my life is at risk. Besides, he would have kept pestering me about it like the whiny tranny he is, so I didn't want that. So, Fassad went to get such a book, and came back with Twilight. First thing I noticed was the cover, and I was like "What the f*** is this?" I read the back cover, and saw it was about vampires. I got my hopes up, thinking it would be one of the coolest things to ever enter this city. So, after kicking Fassad out, I sat down in my Bed Mecha and began reading it. Well, as it turns out, it was one of the stupidest pieces of trash I'd ever laid my eyes upon, and I've been friends with a kid named Ness before, so that's hard to pull off. I mean, come on, Edward is not a vampire...he wouldn't even pull off being a cool human being! No reconstruction, however drastic it may be, could ever redeem such a whiny emo like him. Heck, I'd make a better boyfriend for Bella, and I've had animals and humans alike torn apart and turned into Chimeras. Not to mention trying to help Giygas consume the universe. Of course, I don't want someone as annoying as her entering my city, much less my tower. I'd rather rape myself with a knife, first. After washing my eyes out for about half an hour or so, I wondered if there was actually a fanbase for this. I came across this site while I was on the internet, and was not dissapointed. Why such crappy writing has an actual fanbase, I will never know, but its probably just insanity. So, I had some of my Pigmasks take out every last copy of the series and had them fed to the Ultimate Chimera. I was reported that it got a bellyache soon after. Then, I had a brilliant idea. "If a fanbase for such garbage is real, then they must be extremely defensive about the books, and probably as whiny as Bella was...so why not have a little fun?" I recall saying to myself, and a few minutes later, this account was born. So, after that gigantic block of text that was a pain in the ass to write, I simply and humbly ask that you now bow to me before I have your houses burned down.
I went on mystery google and typed in JACOB BLACK!!! and "MISSION: Give me your top three reasons why Twilight sucks. Email me at !" came up. I got so mad that I actually screamed!
